Face Masks and Dementia Care

What is the person saying?

By Sarah Reed 

How facemasks affect how we communicate.  The importance of emotional perception, expression and reciprocity in non-verbal communication is bound to impact the outcome of any doctor/patient or carer/cared-for interactions. 

Studies have demonstrated the impact of doctors’ and carers’ empathy and person-centred care on the enablement and health outcomes for the person in receipt of care with both chronic and acute conditions. In a large randomised controlled trial in 2014, it was found that the “wearing of facemasks by doctors had little effect on patient enablement and satisfaction but had a significant and negative effect on patients’ perceptions of the doctors’ empathy”.

We must hope that eventually, mask makers will recognise that clear panel masks are really the only ones worth using and start manufacturing them. However, in the meantime, the following tips are good for all our interactions with anyone at any time whether they have dementia or not, but are especially important now with the additional social distancing that masks create.

In communication, most of us rely on language – often at the expense of many other types of communication. However, nonverbal communication is just as important as the words we use. During these times of the Covid-19 pandemic, the use of facemasks has become ubiquitous and they present serious communication difficulties which should not be under-estimated, for the wearer and the person they are talking to, alike. 

Lockdown is one thing, but facemasks are prisons that limit the range of our actions and words.

In covering our facial expressions, face masks hide our emotions. For example, pleasure, sadness, frustration, annoyance and fear are all emotions that we show on our faces without ever having to say a word. And unspoken communications tend to be the same across most cultures. Given the increasing use of facemasks, this means of communication is becoming increasingly challenging.

Non-verbal communication is often the most effective element of communication when connecting with a person who has limited or impaired cognition or is living with dementia. People with dementia increasingly lose their ability to communicate verbally, but their body and para-linguistic interpretive skills are retained longer in most conditions and may even be retained right to the end of their life. They are usually able to interpret facial signals correctly and can be skilled interpreters, understanding when we are relaxed or stressed or conveying other subtle messages, making sense of things from the sound and inflection of our voice, our speed of speech, our posture and the way we move around. We know that when people have difficulty understanding, they will fill in the gaps by reading our facial expressions, the sound of our voice and body movements and posture.

Carers who are more alert to nonverbal cues are often well-practiced at reinforcing the other person’s perception of their sincerity, compassion, appreciation, dedication and competence. This improves their relationships with those they care for as well as their colleagues and also increases their ability to provide meaningful care.

Nonverbal communication provides unique opportunities to connect, so it is important to pay greater attention to our nonverbal communication in this time of social distancing and masked faces.

The following tips can impact and improve interactions with older people while wearing masks. Being focused on the challenge of this is key to success.

1. Pause and be mindful. Be self-aware

If things are busy and stressful, try not to let that be reflective in your voice. Make sure there is enough time for any interaction. Taking a moment or two for yourself immediately before an encounter can make a big difference to the experience. Creating a mental ritual to focus your attention before seeing someone, can help. For example, reflecting on the many varieties of communication that older people and their carers encounter in care settings, such as expert-layperson, healthy-sick, independent-dependent, cognitively healthy–cognitively impaired, young-old and family and so on, might be an option.

2. Be Calm. Smile inside – and outside

Show absolute respect. It is essential to approach the person from the front. This will help them to process who you are and what you are saying. Respect the person’s personal space and make sure you speak to them on the same eye level.

Good eye contact is most important. Use your eyes and eyebrows. Let your eyebrows tell the story. Remember to smile! The person may not be able to see your mouth, but they will be able to read the emotion in your eyes which will allow them to feel more comfortable and in control. They are very likely to be able to detect your body language, so remember that any sudden movements can cause distress and make it harder to communicate.

Be straightforward and try to stay calm. Project a positive, calm attitude and avoid any body language that shows frustration, anger or impatience. Try not to interrupt them and give them your full attention. Be flexible and patient.


Don’t just rely on giving information verbally. Using images, gestures, even written words, phone translation/text apps can be helpful. If the person is still able to read, it may be useful to leave any written version of verbal information that you use with them, so that they can refer to it later.

3. Speak clearly

Avoid noisy environments that might overwhelm with additional stimulus. It is useful to remember that 11 million people in the UK have hearing problems or are deaf. There are a number of hearing apps available on the market which can help. Firstly, create a safe space. and maintain your social distancing with a clear path. Ensure that any physical barriers that could block your view or further challenge your voice being heard behind the mask are removed.
Observe first, even if briefly.

Remember to smile! Always ensure that the older person is wearing their glasses or hearing aids. Your tone of voice includes your speed, tempo and pitch which can be as impactful as the words you are speaking.

Slowly communicate one point at a time. Use short, simple sentences and underline your words with appropriate gestures. Make your statement or ask your question and then pause. Keep your voice even, gentle in tone, and moderate your speed of speech. Go slow!

Lip-reading cues that many with hearing disabilities use to compensate will be absent, so make sure you articulate your words clearly without sounding forced, which may be taken as condescension.

Consonants matter! Speak louder if necessary but without raising your voice or its tone, because this might be perceived as aggression. Using NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) techniques of mirroring and matching the person’s gestures, vocal tone or mood can be re-assuring for them and help them feel better understood.

The messages we convey might be harder to interpret so we need to develop new habits, ensuring that we underline everything we say with gestures and pantomime. Going slowly with the person will make connection easier.

4. Remember to listen well

Listening is a vital part of communication as well. Making space to listen is very important in any encounter. However, in one randomised trial in 2010 it was found that “64% of the nurse participants had a weak knowledge of verbal communication skills and only 36% had relative knowledge about listening and speaking skills. This is while verbal communication skills are considered as the foundations of communication in everyday life”. your view or further challenge your voice being heard behind the mask are removed.

Observe first, even if briefly.

Remember to smile! Always ensure that the older person is wearing their glasses or hearing aids. Your tone of voice includes your speed, tempo and pitch which can be as impactful as the words you are speaking

5. Remember that our bodies speak as well

It is vital that we think about the ways in which we typically communicate, such as gestures and tone we use when we are not inhibited by distance and PPE. Once we become more aware of our characteristic gestures and body language, it is easier to align our nonverbal signalling with our spoken message.

Body language is vital to deliver meaning well and communicate effectively. Together, hand gestures and posture are very important. Our non-verbal cues should send message of kindness and empathy. Try to relax your shoulders. Remember to avoid crossing your arms in front of your body and keep your hands off your hips and out of your pockets.

It is always helpful to nod and add ‘mm’ and ‘yes’ when appropriate, as it acknowledges that you are listening and understanding.

Happiness can be seen by raised eyebrows, raised cheeks and crow’s feet. Remember to smile! On the other hand, eyebrows pinched together and eyes drooping can indicate sadness and when in a “V” shape can express anger.

The person with cognitive impairment may not recognise you at all in any encounter if you are wearing a facemask, even if they have spent time with you over many months, but we still need to make each connection count. As one wise soul once perceptively observed, “I may not remember what you said, but I will remember how you made me feel.”

Facemasks and perception of empathy

Here is an article from NCBI  – US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health. It is regarding a randomised control study that was conducted to explore the effects of doctors wearing facemasks on patients’ perception of doctors’ empathy, patient enablement and patient satisfaction. 

The report can be viewed here and it is titled  ‘Effect of facemasks on empathy and relational continuity: a randomised controlled trial in primary care’

 

About Sarah Reed

Sarah Reed is the founder and lead at REAL Communication Works.

Sarah lectures in Health departments at Kingston and City Universities. She now works with other highly skilled dementia care learning facilitators to deliver interactive REAL Communication workshops.

She has served on the SUCAB Service User and Carer Advisory Board in the School of Health Sciences at City University since 2017.

She is a Trustee of and thirty-year volunteer co-ordinator and monthly driver for national older people’s charity, Re-Engage (formerly Contact the Elderly). In 2015, she served on NCVO’s Volunteering in Care Homes advisory board. She is a member of the DH Quality Matters board.

Pillow Talk

pillow talk

A touching moment of kindness, reported in the Lancashire Post has gone viral…

Play Video

Pillow Talk for a care home resident 

Second World War veteran Ken Benbow, 94, was overcome with emotion as he was filmed by staff at Thistleton Lodge Care Home in Preston, as teenage carer Kia Mariah Tobin, gave him this touching gift of a cushion featuring a picture of his late wife, ‘beautiful, caring wife Ada’. a sentimental cushion featuring a picture of his late wife. The couple were married for 75 years before her death last year.

Kia, 17, from Blackpool, who has moved into the home to assist during the pandemic, was inspired to order this very special gift after noticing Ken would take a framed photo of Ada to bed each night. She said: “He would take this picture in a metal and glass frame off the wall every night. Knowing how important it was, I just thought there has to be a better and more comfortable way.”

She and the staff had no idea how far reaching the special moment would travel and just wanted to record the presentation as a heart-warming memory for Ken and the staff to remember this time.
“It was just an idea I had to do something comforting for Ken and when I brought it in and showed the team, my manager suggested we should record his reaction.

“Ken is fantastic, so wonderful, he speaks so much of Ada and how much he loved her, – in a strange way I know her without having ever met her just from the way he talks of her. He’s a real character and it’s the people I’ve met that have made this job so rewarding for me. It was my own grandma who suggested I give it a go.”

Ken, from Garstang, was just 17 himself when he joined the Navy. His service saw him take part in most of the important theatres of war including D-Day and in the Pacific for the preparations for the invasion of Japan, just before the US dropped the atomic bomb which ended the war. He left the Navy in 1946 and was awarded the Légion d’Honneur by the French Government in 2016.

He met Ada while out dancing, just one week after he moved to Liverpool – “I can still see that post she was leaning against with her friends.” The couple courted for two months before making plans to get married. He described proposing to Ada at a dance, adding: “We were always dancing. I used to fling her over my shoulder and we would jitterbug. It was lovely! She was the most caring, beautiful wife anyone could ever wish to have. She never did a thing wrong in her whole life.”

Kia added she hoped the attention from the video would help to put a spotlight on the role of carers during the pandemic and the work behind the scenes to keep the vulnerable safe. She said: “The NHS are amazing in what they are doing but we know so many carers and home care workers who are too doing their bit working every day to go place to place to make sure people are protected and looked after.

“It’s not an easy time and that needs to be recognised. Care homes are dealing with this too and the support is vital.”

 

If you would like to do the same thing for a friend, you can do it here:

 

Here are more positive ideas and a collection of news stories of people and organisations improving the wellbeing of older people during the Coronavirus pandemic >

Covid-19 impacting efforts to find a cure for dementia

Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash

Covid-19 is also doing long-term damage to efforts to find a cure for dementia.

Every day, Diane Evans (not her real name), calls her 85-year-old mother, who lives on her own in Wales from her home in London. Every day she asks her mother if she is remembering to wash her hands regularly and to keep a social distance from other people. Every day, her mother is perplexed by the question.

Every day the facts of life during the coronavirus epidemic are explained to her yet again, with an heroic absence of exasperation.

Every day Ms Evans worries that her mother will put herself at unnecessary risk of contracting the Covid-19 virus.

She also worries that the condition her mother already lives with is getting worse, as she loses the social contacts and routine that shaped her life. Her mother has dementia, a degenerative and incurable condition that affects perhaps 850,000 Britons and 50m people worldwide. It has various causes and a wide range of severity. It may start as a “mild cognitive impairment” forgetfulness; the occasional “senior moment”. But as it progresses, it attacks mental agility and gnaws away at memory. Eventually, it renders people incapable of looking after themselves, even if physically they are up to it. They will lose the ability to read, to cook and to shop. They may forget to drink and become dehydrated, or become incontinent. At times they may suffer delusions, or become frightened or angry; at others simply subside into an apathetic slump. They will require care for most of their waking hours, and often supervision when they sleep.

People with every stage of dementia are at particular danger from the virus not just because of the difficulty they may have in understanding the threat or in remembering safety precautions. They are also likely to be subject to other risk factors. The most obvious is that dementia is predominantly a syndrome of the elderly, the group for whom covid-19 is most likely to be fatal. A small minority of people with early-onset dementia develop symptoms in their younger years. But no one doubts that it becomes more common with age. By some estimates, 2% of 65- to 69-year-olds have dementia, and its prevalence doubles every five years to the age of 90. In another widely quoted estimate, between a third and a half of 85-year-olds have dementia.

The condition has a variety of causes. The most common is Alzheimer’s disease, accounting for between 60% and 80% of cases, but there are dozens of other types. And, though all kinds of people in all states of health can develop dementia, it does appear to be correlated with other conditions that make people vulnerable to infection. Those who are overweight, depressed, smoke, have high blood pressure or diabetes and do not exercise have a higher risk of dementia, as well as of physical ailments.

Looking after people with dementia is a hands-on, labour-intensive task. For those at home, that can become almost impossible if social-distancing guidelines are adhered to. And much of the usual support system, regular visitors and day-care centres, for example—will be unavailable.

Technology can help a bit. Singapore, for example, has experimented in some public-housing blocks with a system that sends neighbours or family members of the vulnerable an alert if, say, a tap in a washbasin has not been used for a while. Researchers at the Care Research & Technology Centre at Imperial College in London are working on taking this much further. Infra-red and radar sensors installed in the homes of people with dementia, or devices worn by them as watches or hearing-aid-type brain-scanners can provide data giving early warning signs of trouble.

There are also, of course, apps for dementia. “Refresh Player” and “Refresh Studio”, from a tech firm called How Do I?, offer “personalised memory support”, including videos on how to perform day-to-day tasks, such as run a bath or boil a kettle, which appear when a smartphone taps a sticker on the once familiar but now sometimes baffling object involved. Japan is pioneering the use of robotics in caring for the elderly. Examples include toys such as Paro, a furry seal used as a “therapy animal”, and Pepper, a humanoid robot deployed in hundreds of care homes to play games, hold childish conversations and demonstrate exercise moves.

But for most people in most parts of the world, the best that can be offered people with dementia at home and their carers is a daily knock on the door, or a phone call, like Ms Evans’s, and Post-it notes of helpful remindersto wash your hands, for example. So long as they are physically healthy, now is not the time, in many parts of the world, to contemplate sending someone with dementia into a care home. Many are operating strict isolation policies, letting no one in. And many have seen outbreaks of covid-19 infection. A study by academics based at the London School of Economics estimated that in a number of European countries, about half of covid19-related deaths have been in care homes.

Many carers of people with dementia who have been unfortunate enough to become infected with the virus see hospitalisation as a very last resort for their charges. Even Alzheimer’s Disease International, an advocacy group, reports in a position paper this month that “people over 80 who have other illnesses and need admission to hospital with covid-19 are least likely to benefit from going into hospital since their admission has associated risks.” The experience can be bewildering, and lead to delirium, a hallucinatory state of confusion and panic. “It’s pretty frightening for most people,” says Gill Livingston, professor of psychiatry of older people, at University College, London, “but even more frightening for them.” There is also the fear that, when it comes to triage—the selection of patients for scarce medical resources, the elderly with dementia will find themselves at the end of the queue, based on questionable assumptions about the patient’s underlying frailty and quality of life.

Besides the short-term dangers the virus has brought to those coping with dementia, there are fears it could do longer-term damage to efforts to improve care for the condition. One reason for this is shared with many physical maladies: that, during the emergency, people are wary of seeking diagnosis or help, for fear of infection, or of laying claim to health-care resources others need more urgently. Professor Livingston says that the “memory clinic” where she works decided to shut, as the doctors concluded “it was more risky to see people than for them not to have a diagnosis for a short period of time.” But the longer the delay goes on, the greater dangers people living with undiagnosed dementia pose to themselves, and perhaps others, if, say, through forgetfulness they start a fire, or continue to drive when they can no longer do so safely.

Scientific research into dementia has also been disrupted by the pandemic. Miia Kivipelto, a Finnish neuroscientist who led a pioneering study showing how changes in people’s ways of life could slow or arrest cognitive decline, has had to stop all the follow-up research, as it is impossible to conduct in a world of self-isolation. Similarly, Biogen, an American pharmaceutical company, has had to delay its attempt to gain approval for aducanamab, a potential treatment for Alzheimer’s. Besides the difficulty in conducting clinical trials, the company has suffered a covid-19 outbreak. So many Alzheimer’s drugs have failed that optimism about this one was at best cautious, but for some of those affected by the disease, it was a light at the end of a very long tunnel.

Before Covid-19, campaigners for dementia research and dementia care had reason to believe that they were making progress. Their argument that dementia is not an inevitable feature of ageing but a disability that deserves to be treated as such was widely accepted. So too was their case that dementia represents a real global emergency.

As life expectancies lengthen, especially in the developing world, the numbers of people with the condition will shoot up, to around 80m by 2030 and 150m by 2050. As population growth slows, there will simply not be enough people to care for them. No country has a good plan for how to deal with this problem, or how to finance the care of such large numbers of people. Optimists point to the current pandemic to argue that it shows how much can be done when the scale of an emergency is recognised. Perhaps more realistically, it has given yet another reason for dementia to slip down the list of global priorities.

Source: The Economist

What of the future?

People first ‘Social Care 360’

What of the future? A point of view by Neil Crowther

“People want a life, not a ‘bed’ or a ‘service’. Until our conception of social care – or something to replace it – shifts here, no amount of integration with the NHS will improve anything. The National Care Service will just continue to fail to meet people’s aspirations instead.”

Neil Crowther, Independent expert on equality, human rights and social change with a particular interest in working to secure the rights of disabled people.

With thanks to Neil Crowther 

A virtual choir brings the community together

We’ll meet again. Let’s hope.

Seldom have the lyrics to Vera Lynn’s song felt quite so poignant.

Last week, care home operator Shaw Healthcare hosted a virtual choir to lift the spirits of their residents and staff.

The company, which operates 75 homes across the UK, organised the online sing-along to cheer people living and working in them, in the current COVID-19 pandemic.

Residents and staff joined together to sing, “We’ll Meet Again” together across England, Scotland and Wales, delivering a message of hope and positivity.

See the Shaw healthcare virtual choir sing ‘We’ll Meet Again’ >here

 ‘We’ll meet again’ – residents of Castle View Windsor sing out loud and strong.

Keeping their spirits high in the current situation and spreading a little joy and happiness, the residents of the new Castle View retirement village in Windsor have taken to their balconies to sing and exercise together, while maintaining a safe social distance from one another.

You can read the full Care Industry News article >here

Delivering goodies and happiness to isolated older people in lockdown

Unsung Heroes in Norfolk: Sally Whitworth 

Here is Sally Whitworth with her beloved labrador, Pongo. She is one of our fantastic ReEngage tea hosts for the area, as well as a regular monthly driver. Since lockdown, we have been unable to hold teas, but that hasn’t stopped her generosity… Here yet another delivery of delicious Bake Off!-worthy, homemade cakes (this week it was banana loaf and lemon drizzle) await in the basket.

All the oldest old in our small community have received two slices of mouth-watering cake every week, delivered with great affection and boundless cheerfulness by Sally. No mean feat, as there are nearly twenty people on her list. She has been doing this since lockdown on 24 March, maintaining the Government’s Covid19 rules scrupulously, with gloves and a garden stake which doubles up to hang the basket, while providing appropriate social distance.

Then at Easter, she delivered bags of Easter eggs to everyone, with a personal hand-written label on each, written by her 5 and 7 year-old great niece and nephew.

“I really enjoy doing it”, she says, “– and it stops me eating them all! Mind you, Pongo would have the lot, given half a chance.”

Care homes neglected

care homes neglected

Care homes neglected – A Daily Telegraph article (15.04.2020) by Annie Stevenson

Director of Integrated Care, Annie Stevenson, expresses eloquently in her article ‘Care homes neglected’ exactly what most of the care industry feels right now.

 

For the latest Care Home news stories and sector announcements from a wide-range of UK and international sources Click Here >

Four letters that make communication REAL

Four letters that make communication REAL

“A diagnosis of dementia for a person is also a diagnosis for the whole family.” 

Anon

Dementia can be very hard to come to terms with. Hard enough for the person diagnosed of course, but also hard for family carers, who must watch the relentless deterioration of the person they love, usually over many years, with no hope of reversal. They must also adjust their own behaviours accordingly. In many ways, dementia is a slow, ongoing bereavement process, of loss of a loved one before the person’s death and often means massive and often exhausting changes to the carers’ own lives.

Dementia can be scary and disorientating for the person with the diagnosis, often including

  • short-term (working) memory loss
  • gradual loss of awareness of basic things like eating, drinking and personal hygiene confusion as to their whereabouts or who people are — who they may have known for much of their lives
  • loss of life skills like reading, language and vocabulary
  • rapid mood changes, anxiety, depression
  • depleted motor skills and mobility,

And that’s just for starters.

All these aspects of dementia can be frightening, frustrating and mystifying for the person and saddening (and sometimes maddening) for relatives.

And just when things may seem to have settled into a steadier pattern, the person’s condition may decline further and the care goal posts will move yet again.

Despite this long and pessimistic list — and even though dementia cannot be cured or reversed, our own behaviour can make a big positive difference.

A person can live well with dementia for a long time and with changing attitudes in dementia care, the experience does not have to be unremittingly negative

Happily, in recent years, good communication is slowly being recognised as one of the most important and essential ways of helping the person with dementia and their family to deal with the condition.

I developed the REAL Communication Framework in 2003 as a response to my own observations, worries and concerns about my mother’s condition and her care. The four letters of REAL stand for Reminiscence, Empathic engagement, Active Listening and Life Story. These are the four letters create the four pillars of good communication with a person living with dementia.

Mum had vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s disease for about ten years. I had noticed how her friends gradually fell away, how people were nervous to engage her in conversation or worse, ignored her and spoke through me. I had noticed how impatient my father could be with her sometimes, the woman he adored and had lived with happily for over 60 years — and how all of us in the family felt ‘at sea’ with the experience.

Here is the REAL framework, which surrounds the person with connection and meaningful communication – and all from four letters.

Dad wasn’t coping and Mum found herself in a care home. I noticed that the other residents and their families had some similar issues to our own. I saw that Mum was increasingly challenged to express herself. Of course, the carers knew almost nothing about her and had no tools to help them get to know her better.

First off, I made her a life story album ‘This is My Life’ to help them (and me, as it turned out) to get to know her a better and to give her opportunities to be the expert, in remembering and talking about her life.

Unexpectedly, it became the most important item in her life. Nothing fancy, you understand, just a pictorial chronology of her life with some simple autobiographical captions; for example, “Me in the garden dancing”, “Our honeymoon in Bournemouth”, that sort of thing. We looked at and enjoyed the family photos continually over the seven years she lived in a care home.

I was on a voyage of discovery and she was sharing her experiences as a girl and as a younger woman, — memories I knew very little about, a person who seemed so familiar, yet I hardly knew.

In finding out about her youthful years, we bonded more deeply. This growing closeness helped me to understand better what she might want in the here-and-now. Like all of us, her outlook, needs and expectations had their foundations in her earlier life.

We would watch DVDs together which I knew would make her laugh. In the earlier days we might watch episodes of one of her favourite comedy TV programmes like Dad’s Army. Later, she couldn’t follow the plot lines and even Arthur Lowe’s pompous disdain no longer seemed so funny. Then we moved on to The Marx Brothers.

Nothing like a bit of slapstick for some instant shared hilarity. Her favourites were A Night at the Opera and Duck Soup…

On warm days, we might sit in the care home garden in the sunshine and talk about the birds and bees and flowers and trees and remember her tending the garden at home (mostly endless weeding) and chuckle about Dad in what was his favourite haunt, wearing nearly threadbare gardening clothes.

And while she still could, we talked. About growing up and then bringing up four children, about the hard labour of housework, about life during wartime and dad’s ‘courting’. I admired her endless capable creativity in the house and her delicious cooking. Through sharing her reminiscences and with some empathic, concentrated listening from me, over time, she seemed to be more settled in the confusing, wobbly world she found herself in — and the long list of negatives seemed just a tiny bit shorter.

When these four letters R-E-A-L are in place, anyone can have an easier and more meaningful relationship with a person with dementia and help make it an experience that can be borne more lightly by all.

You can learn more about the REAL Communication Framework and how it helps to transform the lives of people living with dementia and their caregivers here>

How to communicate well with someone living with dementia (Part Two)

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

 

Part Two: Words aren’t everything

The Language of Dementia

Unfortunately, speech and language deterioration is almost inevitable for a person living with dementia. The reasons are multifarious — among others, the person’s natural language and vocabulary are increasingly challenged by reduced mental capacity. Reduced brain-processing power means that they may struggle to understand what is being said to them. Loss of short-term memory makes it harder for them to orientate themselves in a narrative, or in conversation. They may be unable to respond at we would consider to be a ‘normal’ speed. They might return to using another language learnt in their childhood.

But words aren’t everything

We can communicate better with a person living with dementia by using overt and subtle, non-verbal language that conveys meaning beyond the words — especially if it mirrors theirs. Mirroring non-verbal cues helps to give clarity to our engagement, making it easier for us to understand one another.

Over the years, I’ve heard a number of stories of people living with dementia who have become newly attached, or antagonistic to another person because the person reminds them of a family member or friend they once liked or someone they disliked. It is often something in the tone of the person’s voice that has created this attraction or repulsion.

And it is not just what we say, but how we say it — our tone of voice.

Tone of voice matters, because it helps us to express the feelings behind the words we use, and may reflect among other things, our social culture, where we come from, our age, social status, education and command of language, our sense of ourselves, our attitudes, our state of health and our current mood. The timbre of our voice may help or hinder our connection with someone, even if we may be hardly, if ever, conscious of it.

Over the years, I’ve heard a number of stories of people living with dementia who have become newly attached, or antagonistic to another person because the person reminds them of a family member or friend they once liked or someone they disliked. It is often something in the tone of the person’s voice that has created this attraction or repulsion.

What are the ingredients that make up tone of voice?

These include natural vocal musicality, pitch, depth and intensity, the clarity and sound of our words, the accentuation we use, the speed at which we speak and more generally, the personality and outlook we convey by these means.

Even the simplest of questions, such as “How are you today, John?” may be imbued with a range of meanings depending on the tone of voice used, from genuine authenticity to patronisation, from positivity or cheeriness, to sadness or negativity. How many underlying meanings are you able to convey, just by changing your tone of voice and accentuation in the sample question?

Being more aware of how we sound can help improve our relationships with everyone

How to communicate well with someone living with dementia (Part One)

Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash

 

Part One: Beyond the words

“Nonverbal communication forms a social language that is in many ways richer and more fundamental than our words.” 

 

Leonard Mlodinow

Body and paralanguage always speak louder than the words we use.

When we are alert to these, communication can be more effective, helping us to better understand the main — and also the underlying messages being conveyed.

When talking with a person living with dementia, they are particularly important to understand, for a few reasons. Firstly, the person’s reliance on non-verbal communication may accelerate as their natural language skills become increasingly compromised by the condition. Secondly, their sense of self alters subtly over time. Thirdly, the speed at which the person is able to process and absorb information is reduced. Finally, emotional feelings may rise to the surface (sometimes quite unexpectedly) in situations that challenge them in some way. All these facors contribute to how the person is able to hear, listen and respond.

Approximately 60% of our interactions use non-verbal communication.

These include proxemics (the space between us), kinesics (our body and head movements), hand gestures and posture. Facial expression and eye contact are key, of course. Perhaps crucially, a person’s tone of voice, intonation, pitch and speed of speaking, hesitation noises, gestures and facial expressions, make a significant difference to how we perceive both them and their message. We rely more heavily on this paralanguage to make sense of the world and our experiences than we might realise, or like to admit.

For any person, a diagnosis of dementia can feel like the beginning of the end.

Hardly surprising perhaps, given the prevailing, dismal medical model with which dementia is often viewed: as a journey of emptiness and inexorable physical and mental decline.

This depersonalised stereotyping over-simplifies the experience, presenting a one-dimensional view of personhood, overly dominated by cognition and short-term memory loss. Of course, as the disease progresses, the person’s thoughts and words inevitably become more tangled and confused.

However, a broader (and more humane) definition recognises that a person is far more than their thoughts alone and that together with their many long-term memories and experiences, the essence of the person remains, despite changes to the brain.

To keep well-connected to a person living with the condition, we need to become increasingly attentive to their non-verbal clues — as well as our own. We need to try to be more aware of what we are both communicating, beyond the words.